US Government Bailouts "Explained"

[mmm4444bot]

Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $100, and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.

The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, Chuck, but I have some bad news. The horse died."

Chuck replied, "Okay. Just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "I can't. I already spent it."

Chuck said, "Then, just bring me the dead horse."

The farmer asked, "Whatcha gonna do with him?"

Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."

The farmer said, "You can't raffle a dead horse!"

Chuck said, "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece. Overall, I made an $898 profit."

The farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain?"

Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his $2 back."

 

[Denis]

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece. Overall, I made an $898 profit."

Ahem :shock:
Who got the other 100 bucks?

 

[Deleted member 4993]

Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2 apiece. Overall, I made an $898 profit."

Ahem :shock:
Who got the other 100 bucks? <<< He (Madoff) did not get the dead horse free...He needs pay taxes on $898

 

[soroban]

Another possible explanation . . .


Two recent agricultural graduates bought a piece of land
from a local farmer, hoping to have a successful farn.

For two years, they lost money at an alarming rate.
The farmer offered to buy back the land.

"I don't understand why we failed," said one graduate.
"We used all the latest techniques and advances."

"Well," said the farmer, "I don't know all that new stuff,
so I got me a simple system." .He held up a handful of soil.

"It costs me a dollar to raise that much potatoes,"
he said, "and I sell it for two dollars.
And I'm happy with my one percent."

 

[Denis]

WE'RE ALL HERE BECAUSE WE'RE NOT ALL THERE,
OR: DEEP IN THE HOLE

A long, puzzling title like this and I don't have an introduction.
Sorry. Best I can do is throw in a question and a thought. Then I'll
jump right in the meat of this philosophical masterpiece. Perhaps I
should grow a beard, get myself a pair of them intellectual rimless
glasses and roll my eyes as if I'm hurting from an overload of brain
cells.

THE QUESTION
------------------
If you yell "JUMP" and the spider jumps, then you cut off the spider's
hind legs and yell "JUMP" but the spider doesn't jump, does this mean
the spider hears with its hind legs?

THE THOUGHT
-----------------
It is not possible to look right and left by looking harder straight
ahead, or to dig a hole in a different place by digging the present
hole deeper.

We are all in a hole.
-----------------------
And the hole is in the wrong place. We dig harder, faster, with
improved modern methods, but the hole remains in the wrong place. It
does not matter how obvious this is to most diggers: it is easier to
keep digging in the same hole than start over.

Getting holes in the head.
------------------------------
Education is designed to make future diggers appreciate the holes that
have been dug by their betters. Nothing new is learned: teachers
already knew... and proudly we graduate. Certified diggers with full
acceptance of the old holes.

Downward, Ho!
-----------------
The new work force arrives on the scene with enthusiasm, gung ho,
updated and dynamical views, only to jump in the same holes, replace
tired old diggers... and the hole keeps getting deeper and deeper.

How low can you go!
-----------------------
The shovels of logic carry on. The digging becomes smoother, better
organized. Progress is enlarging the hole, reward is getting in
deeper. A comfortable familiarity goes hand in hand with a well-worked
hole.

Holy expertise there, Batman!
-----------------------------------
Experts are brought in to evaluate our digging. An expert is an expert
because he understands the hole better than anyone else, except a
fellow expert, with whom it is necessary to disagree, in order to
produce as many experts as disagreements. You find them sitting
happily at the bottom of the deepest holes, far from interested in
leaping out and considering where to start a better hole.

Shut up and keep digging.
------------------------------
Now and then, a brave digger will get official permission to start
digging elsewhere. Slowly but surely his hands and feet become bounded
with cold metallic red tape, while tons of rules and regulations crush
the ambition out of him. Finally broken, gratefully does he return to
the old hole.

Ain't gonna dig, no more no more.
----------------------------------------
Gosh, I'm finished but I'm stuck again: I don't have an ending. Sorry.
Best I can do is lay on you a Probability and a Fact.

THE PROBABILITY
===============
Somewhere in North America, right at this moment, someone is wrapping
half an onion in cellophane paper.

THE FACT
========
If everybody on earth ate a Quarter Pounder today, the universal
intake speed would be 45.2 cows per second.

Note: the above calculation assumes 300 pounds of hamburger meat per
cow, which translates into 1,200 Quarter Pounders.

Source: the head butcher at Saslove's Meat Market.

By yours untruly, Denis.

 

[mmm4444bot]

Who got the other 100 bucks?

That $100 is not profit because it offsets the farmer's debt.