# 36 Math jokes and puns

#### Subhotosh Khan

##### Super Moderator
Staff member
36 Math jokes and puns

Beginner

1. Why was the fraction apprehensive about marrying the decimal?
Because he would have to convert.

2. Why do plants hate math?
It gives them square roots.

3. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a mean thing to say!

4. Why was the math book depressed?
It had a lot of problems.

5. Why is the obtuse triangle always so frustrated?
Because it is never right.

6. Why can you never trust a math teacher holding graphing paper?
They must be plotting something.

7. Why was the equal sign so humble?
Because she knew she wasn’t greater than or less than anyone else.

8. What do you call the number 7 and the number 3 when they go out on a date?
The odd couple (but 7 is in her prime).

9. What do you call a number that can’t stay in one place?
A Roamin’ numeral.

10. Did you hear the one about the statistician?
Probably.

11. What do you call dudes who love math?
Algebros.

12. I’ll do algebra, I’ll do trig. I’ll even do statistics.
But graphing is where I draw the line!

13. Why should you never talk to Pi?
Because she’ll go on and on and on forever.

14. Why are parallel lines so tragic if they have so much in common?
It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

15. Are monsters good at math?
Not unless you Count Dracula.

16. What’s the best way to flirt with a math teacher?
Use acute angle.

17. Did you hear about the mathematician who is afraid of negative numbers?
They’d stop at nothing to avoid them.

18. How do you stay warm in any room?
Just huddle in the corner, where it’s always 90 degrees.

19. Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!

20. Why DID seven eat nine?
Because you’re supposed to eat 3 squared meals a day!

21. Why does nobody talk to circles?
Because there is no point.

22. Dear Algebra, stop trying to find your X.
They’re never coming back — don’t ask Y.

23. Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?
Student: You told me not to use tables.

24. After a sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”
“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.
“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

25. There are three kinds of people in the world:
Those who can count and those who can’t.

Intermediate

26. Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s “two” gross.

27. What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?
A tangent. (A tan gent.)

28. What do baby parabolas drink?

29. My girlfriend is the square root of –100.
She’s a perfect 10, but purely imaginary.

30. What’s the best way to serve pi?
A la mode. Anything else is mean.

31. Did you hear about the statistician who drowned crossing the river?
It was 3 feet deep, on average.

32. How do you get from point A to point B?
Just take an x-y plane or a rhom’bus.

33. The problem with math puns is that calculus jokes are all derivative, trigonometry jokes are too graphic, algebra jokes are usually formulaic, and arithmetic jokes are pretty basic.
But I guess the occasional statistics joke is an outlier.

34. Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
A: To get to the same side.

35. An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.

Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc., extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.

Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Ah, a solution exists!” and then goes back to bed.

36. There are three people applying for the same job at a bank: a mathematician, a statistician, and an accountant.

The interviewing committee asks the mathematician one question: What is 500 plus 500? The mathematician answers “1,000” without hesitation, and they send him along. Next, they call in the statistician and ask the same question. He thinks for a moment and answers “1,000… I’m 95 percent confident.” When the accountant comes in, he is asked the same question: “What is 500 + 500?” He bows and replies, “What would you like it to be?”

They hire the accountant.

#### LCKurtz

##### Junior Member
There are $$\displaystyle 10$$ kinds of people in the world. Those that understand binary and those that don't.

An aspiring young Ph.D.
Always wrote "$$\displaystyle \beta$$" for "B".
It must have confused the young lad
about the Birds and the $$\displaystyle \beta$$ees.

#### Denis

##### Senior Member
There once was a pretty young lass
Standing in water up to her ankles
This poem does not rhyme yet...
Just wait till the tide comes in...

#### Otis

##### Senior Member
$$\;$$
Another limerick:

$\frac{12 + 144 + 20 + 3 \sqrt{4}}{7} + 5 \cdot 11 = 9^{2} + 0$

#### LCKurtz

##### Junior Member
$$\;$$
Another limerick:

$\frac{12 + 144 + 20 + 3 \sqrt{4}}{7} + 5 \cdot 11 = 9^{2} + 0$

You add up a sum over seven
Add to it five times eleven
What you get is nine square
With nothing to spare
An equality not made in heaven.

??

#### Denis

##### Senior Member
Anything to do with "7 comes 11" ??

#### Otis

##### Senior Member
You add up a sum over seven
Add to it five times eleven
What you get is nine square
With nothing to spare
An equality not made in heaven …
Good one!

Anything to do with "7 comes 11" ??
Not sure whether yer thinkin' 'bout gods or gamblin' …

A dozen, a gross and a score
Plus three times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared and not a bit more

#### Jomo

##### Elite Member
This one is a bit racist but it still is funny.

Halfway through a recent airplane flight from Warsaw to New York, there was nearly a major disaster when the flight crew got sick from eating the fish. After they had passed out, one of the flight attendants asked over the intercom if there were any pilots in the cabin.
An elderly gentleman, who had flown a bit in the war, raised his hand and was rushed into the cockpit of the 747. When he got there, took the seat, and saw all the displays and controls, he realized he was in over his head. He told the flight attendant that he didn't think he could fly this plane. When asked why not, he replied,
"I am just a simple Pole in a complex plane"
So, they just had to rely on the method of steepest descents.

#### Romsek

##### Full Member
A similar one has the plane undergoing violent oscillations so the flight attendants move all the Poles to the left half of the plane to ensure stability.

#### zoeyw

##### New member
Here's a nice one to ask kids who have just started geometry.

Half a circle,
Full a circle,
Half a circle, A

Half a circle,
Full a circle,
Right angle, A

An older cousin said this was popular in her time right after geometry was introduced in school.

#### topsquark

##### Full Member
Speaking of sohcahtoa

-Dan

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#### Otis

##### Senior Member
I don't get post #11, but it inspired this:

Half a circle,
Full a circle,
Half a circle,
Full a circle,
Full a gap,
Half a circle, Half a circle, duet,
Vertical a line,
Half a circle, Acute an angle, duet,
Half a circle,
Full a gap,
IS NO MORE!

#### ksdhart2

##### Senior Member
35. An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are staying in a hotel. The engineer wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hallway and sees a fire, so he fills a trashcan from his room with water and douses the fire. He goes back to bed.

Later, the physicist wakes up and smells smoke. He opens his door and sees a fire in the hallway. He walks down the hall to a fire hose and after calculating the flame velocity, distance, water pressure, trajectory, etc., extinguishes the fire with the minimum amount of water and energy needed.

Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes to the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He thinks for a moment and then exclaims, “Ah, a solution exists!” and then goes back to bed.
I've actually heard two different versions of this joke. Essentially, they're the same joke up until the part with the mathematician. The first variant ends:

"Later, the mathematician wakes up and smells smoke, but he is not concerned. The punchline is left as an exercise to the reader."

The second variant has the mathematician specifically being a statistician. It ends:

"Later, the statistician wakes up and smells smoke. He goes out into the hall, sees the fire and then the fire hose. He immediately proceeds to run down the hall setting each and every room on fire, exclaiming 'I need a larger sample size!' "

#### zoeyw

##### New member
The answer to #11 was COCA COLA.

#### Otis

##### Senior Member
The answer to #11 [is] COCA COLA.
Ah, of course I knew that!

Back in the day, Coca Cola was very popular (due to its not-so-secret ingredient). I remember hearing about my grandparents' town's only barbershop and its "wall" of Coke crates. No wonder the retired farmers hung out there all day.